crisis on infinite indys

so tonight is the first night in a new era here in indianapolis.
the dawn of the age of superheroes.
after realizing the total lack of justice in the world,my friends and i have decided to become superheroes in order to balance this fracturing planet of ours.
tonight,with my partner in crime fighting “Mr. Silent”,we went around the city helping people and stopping fights,drunk drivers,and a group of young dumb kids hitting an old woman’s car.
we met the mayor of the bums here named ronald whom i will refer to now as Mayor McCheese..he said we have the bums support and that they have some weapons to protect themselves.we’re going to make shirts with pics of our superhero group and hand them out to the city’s homeless..they will state something along the lines of “our heroes”
for the most part,people accepted us right away,and many saluted us as we would walk by.we got a lot of support from the fair people of this city,and that is the kind of positive reinforcement i needed to help me fight crime all night.
the sad thing is this,while trying to stop a fight between two drunken latinos,the police pulled up..they watched them fighting,and us trying to break it up,and after about 2 minutes,they just left.
no help or anything.we were in front of the greyhound station at the time and people said things like “the police here don’t do anything,do they?” which we replied “of course not!which is why this city is in such dire need of us!”..there the cops were,getting paid to fight crime,and they just drove by,but us poor superheroes get nothing,yet we’re the ones making a know,i really dont care though,i dont need money to do this…fighting crime is the cherry on top of my sundae of justice,and i’ll eat those cherries until i get sick.
and then i’ll eat some more.
…that’s just the type of crime fighter i am.
i think the idea of superheroes are so ingrained in the collective unconscious of america,that people just accept the idea that people are doing it..and once they see that we’re doing something they’ve always wanted to do,they will follow suit.
we’ve already amassed a rather formable team under the name
The Justice Society of Justice (now offering twice as much justice as the competitors!).
Our roster so far is: team leader Captain Glory,Mr. Silent,myself (as both The Human Robot,Mr. Geisha and very rarely i break out the german kung fu stylings of Doktor Deutschland),The Apostolic Avenger,Absurdo,The Plunisher,The Hamburger Helper,our jewish rapper friend Dr.Dreidel and his sidekick the Kosher Kid,plus help from our newest comrade,the gynecological justice of The Green Discharge!
..we have affiliate super heroes around the midwest like Cap’n Whiskey in chicago, and Liquid Courage (m.i.a. last seen picking on huge jocks in a bar,downtown louisville)
..separate from the JSJ,but still equally worthy of praise are the michigan based crime fighting family of Captain Jackson,The Queen of Hearts and Crime Fighter Girl.(yeah,i know her name sucks,but come on..she’s only 15)
slowly but surely we as superheroes will help bring this fallen nation of corruption to it’s full glorious potential!
you know what im saying is true!..stand up,fight for justice,put on a mask and cape,and get mad at bad!we have nothing to lose but our identities.we have a world to win!
while doing our rounds,various security guards all over town gave us thumbs up and many citizens waved and wished us well in our non stop fight against tyranny…well,maybe not “nonstop”,because i need to recoup for tomorrow night’s patrol.
so it’s time for bed.
everything i’ve told you is true.this is not satire.
god speed.
and remember
if you’re not sure if you’re super yet,
and you see a crime…….please report it.
leave crime fighting to the professionals.

Valley Superhero- Who is Citizen Prime?

Article removed from Source Website.
Apr. 30, 2007 07:37 PM
By Joe Dana
12 News
His bat mobile is a Nissan X-Terra.
His weapon of choice is a cell phone.
He is Citizen Prime, an anti-crime activist on a mission reminiscent of The Guardian Angels, but with a comic book flair. A couple of nights a week, this valley business executive named Jim (I agreed to conceal his last name) dresses up as his invented superhero character, and patrols valley streets. When you meet him, you can’t help but notice his sincere enthusiasm and his incredibly well-crafted costume. Half embarrased, he admits the outfit cost about 4,000 dollars to create. It includes a silk cape, leather mask, and a steel-plated upper body shield designed by a professional armor maker.
On a Tuesday night in April, I followed Prime on a shift. As part of a recent effort to interact with the community more often, he spent a couple hours in the late evening strolling Mill Avenue in Tempe, mingling with the crowds.
While he introduces himself to passerby’s, he distributes a homemade pamphlet that describes his mission. His message can seem very simplistic.
“What would you do if you saw somebody fall in the street?” he asks a trio of college co-eds. “I’d help him out,” says one of them. “Exactly,” says Prime. “And that’s what heroes should do. They should be ready to help someone in need,” he says.
I wonder: Does he need to go through all of this work just to tell us that?
Prime points out that there is more. His pamphlet discusses ways to become involved in the community. He invites people to e-mail or call him if they “have a problem, or need help,” he says, (he’s quick to add that he doesn’t lend money.)
The other half of Citizen Prime’s mission involves driving in his car and looking for potential trouble. On this particular night, he trolls a neighborhood in the west valley near 51st Ave. and Indian School. The area is prone to property crime, prostitution and occasional robberies. “I’ve found that my mere presence in these areas, I’m hoping, makes a difference,” he says, as he drives slowly, surveying both sides of the street.
While on patrol, he has called police if he saw something or someone suspiscious. He’s also prepared take photos. He once guided police by phone to a drunk driver he spotted on the freeway. He also helped someone change a tire once. Prime admits his exact role in the community is still a work in progress. He’s trying to get into schools and hospitals to give inspirational messages to children.
In case Prime ever does see an actual crime or violence, his car is equipped with an electric stun gun, a police baton and a bean bag stun gun among other non-lethal gadgets. He’s never used them and says he hopes he never has to.
Our night on the streets ended quietly. No phone calls, photos or tazers needed.
The next morning, Prime sent me an E-mail. In it, he wrote that police pulled him over on the way home. The irony was not lost on him. A self-proclaimed superhero is caught speeding. You have to wonder if the body armor and cape helped him or hurt him in that moment.
Fortunately for Prime, he only received a warning. However, the officer advised the man in yellow to become certified by police for a citizen volunteer program. Something tells me, for Citizen Prime, that would be much too conventional.
Mayor Phil Gordon’s response to Citizen Prime
Apr. 30, 2007 07:47 PM
“Since becoming Mayor, I have given out over 3,000 front porch benches (not at taxpayer expense, by the way) to encourage people to be aware of what is going on in their neighborhoods. We can all help the police by being the “eyes and ears” of our community, but we should all be careful to do it smartly. Never purposefully put yourself in a dangerous situation. If you see something suspicious, don’t confront “the bad guys”. Call the police. That’s being hero enough.”