{"id":5944,"date":"2010-09-21T14:47:07","date_gmt":"2010-09-21T21:47:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.reallifesuperheroes.org\/?p=5944"},"modified":"2010-09-21T14:47:07","modified_gmt":"2010-09-21T21:47:07","slug":"the-violation-of-healthy-distance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/2010\/09\/21\/the-violation-of-healthy-distance\/","title":{"rendered":"The Violation of Healthy Distance"},"content":{"rendered":"

http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/notes\/phantomzero-rlsh\/the-violation-of-boundaries-and-how-it-pertains-to-the-rlsh-community\/14233386580973<\/a><\/span><\/em>
\nThe Violation of Healthy Distance (and how it pertains to the RLSH community)<\/em>
\nIndividuals should have freedom to exist and express themselves in a community without fear of reprisal.
\nOptimally, communities function under an umbrella of mutual respect. There are personal boundaries one must observe to respect an individual’s privacy. There should be a concept of “healthy distance” in any on-line community. These are unenumerated rights and unspoken rules which should be acknowledge and followed.
\nThankfully, these people constitute a good portion of the Real Life Super Hero community.
\nThere are also individuals who have a diminished capacity to, or have chosen to have a diminished ability to, compartmentalize (similar to how people must learn to compartmentalize family life, work life, school life, etc. and then from that point prioritize). These individuals are unwilling or unable to some degree to draw a clear line between what transpires in the RLSH community and the line that separates it from other facets of real-life. This can be somewhat understandable, as people in the community can be very passionate about what they do, and for many it represents a great investment of time, and identifying as a Real suffuses multiple aspects of their lives. Often times, if this is the case, these individuals may in some cases take things too seriously or too personally, but at the bare minimum, they are able to interact with others with a modicum of decorum and tact within a relatively normative or expected spectrum.
\nThere are also select individuals who associate with this community–somewhat on the fringe, and a relative minority, but who still known and walk amongst it even now–who can be observed to be problematic<\/em>. Some people take it a step further–and not a step in a positive direction. They develop an unhealthy fixation on the community and\/or individuals therein\u00a0 There are no lines, no boundaries, no remorse, and no redemption. Either by merit of delusion\/insanity, cowardice, compulsion, spite, hatred, jealousy, zealotry, or perversity–blind or uncaring of boundaries–they seek to invade other’s healthy distance, they seek to prey upon the weak, malign or harm individuals or groups, or ceaselessly and unrelentingly assail sound and rational ideologies, while promoting themselves, their weakness, or unsound ideologies. (My theory is some people lack emotional maturity or restraint, and have yet to be truly self-actualized. As often times there are no other areas of their life, and community becomes their life. But I digress… at least for now<\/em>).
\nI know of a number of luminary individuals in the community, both past and present, who have been mistreated as such by these unscrupulous individuals, as well as a number of promising individuals who were chased off or decided to leave after being mistreated by the same unscrupulous individuals.
\nViolations of these boundaries which I have observed against individuals in the community include, but are not limited to: <\/strong>
\n? Acting in a manipulative or predatory manner, especially in respect to minors or individuals in a cognitively, emotionally, or psychologically compromised\/disadvantaged state
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Attempting to acquire information, such as IP address or phone number, by soliciting an email or phone call–wherein afterwords the call or email can be traced via ip trace, online services, web searches, caller id, etc.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Attempting to force someone to do something, especially when the consequence of refusal is potentially very disadvantageous to the individual
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Banning or censoring, or threatening to ban or censor, an individual from a message board or forum without cause or provocation, or with the intent to manipulate or ply leverage (NOTE: Not so much a concern now, but a major problem during the earlier days of the RLSH community, where checks and balances did not exist and individuals’ fickleness and megalomania ran unchecked)
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Being disingenuous (e.g. claiming someone else’s work as your own)
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Bulling\/Cyber-Bullying
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Contacting someone or threatening to contact someone unsolicited in the real world (e.g., showing up at someone’s home or place of work)
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Contacting someone unsolicited by telephone\/text, or private (esp. “civilian”) e-mail, especially when said telephone or e-mail number was given without prior consent, and especially if the intent is to disquiet or disturb
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Contacting someone via telephone while other unannounced parties are listening in without prior consent
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Demanding someone’s attention, communication, or private contact information on the basis the individual owns, operates, or moderates a web site, service, message board, or forum, especially if said request is an attempt to circumvent a previous request for non-contact or is an attempt to disturb or disquiet
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Disseminating personal information (name, phone number, email address, or personal records), even if such information is readily accessible, especially if such information is passed on to individuals whose intent is to harass the person in question
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Distorting the truth, omitting the truth, or fabricating the truth (outright lying) to con, convince, or manipulate an individual, be they a member of the community or a representative from the media, or a group of individuals, especially if said deception makes the individual making said claims seem more credible, more enticing, more legitimate, more popular, etc. in the eyes of another individual, media or general public
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Doing\/threatening to do vandalism or causing\/threatening to cause damage or outright destruction to one’s property
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gathering, archiving, or actively searching for personal information on individuals within the community, with the intent to use that information for leverage at a later time, either personally or via proxy
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Harassment
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Making private correspondence public without prior consent
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Not observing etiquette and politeness within tolerable levels, especially when the intent is merely to bother or cause disruption
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Publicly slandering someone via name calling, perpetuating unsavory character assignations, or spreading rumors\/misinformation
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Purposely instigating a fight between individuals, groups, message boards, or social\/philosophical factions in hopes of causing a fall out or flame war
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Recording a phone conversation without consent
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Rejecting a person’s right to wish to disassociate with you should they ask you to leave them alone, be it directly via phone calls, text messages, e-mail, private messages, or publicly by continually referencing that individual or by making it obvious that an individual’s online activity is being persistently monitored or followed
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sending correspondence which is seeded with malware or spyware, especially if the intent is to cause harm to another person’s computer or gather personal information
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Showing up at a gathering of peers in a public place unannounced (crashing) with the intent to disquiet or disturb, especially so if the individual refuses to leave if asked by the organizers), or if it is a general sentiment expressed by the body of individuals, or if select individuals have reason to be disturbed or disquieted (i.e. only being present somewhere to act in an obtrusive manner and harass that individual or group)
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Stalking\/Cyber-Stalking
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Threatening someone’s spouse, family, or the sanctity of one’s home or workplace, or purposely engaging in an activity that would compromise someone’s career or personal relationships
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Unwarranted sexual advances or inappropriate comments to that effect, especially with intent to demean or objectify
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Using\/threatening to use any form of unwarranted social\/community leverage or other forms of coercion or manipulation
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Using\/threatening to use physical violence
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Violating someone’s personal space, which includes unsolicited touching or tampering with one’s personal effects or personal space
\nThe reasons why the above examples are improper behavior should be self-evident<\/strong> (especially since much of the above is illegal, if not immoral, and highly unheroic). Many people still choose to associate with these unscrupulous individuals. Some, because the unscrupulous parties in questions seek out new blood. The unscrupulous individuals misrepresent themselves as benevolent and helpful emissaries, seeking allies to buffer themselves against detractors (or possible future marks); as the new bloods are unaware of a person’s track record or history, the new bloods don’t know any better. Others in the community, out of a malformed sense of camaraderie and manipulation on the part of unscrupulous individuals, refuse to question aberrant actions, or accept whole cloth lies conjured up as justification. Some individuals in the community even accept these some of these individuals out of pity, as some unscrupulous individuals do such to fill voids in their life out of a parasitic need for attention. Some individuals in the community tolerate unscrupulous individuals in the community out of fear of reprisal, for in rejecting that individual they may bring down some wrath upon them, or by rejecting the unscrupulous individual it may seem like they are acting in defiance of the status quo.
\nWhy I found I should post this: <\/strong>
\nMy hope is that I can convince more people to be aware and exercise caution and discretion when engaging individuals before offering them their unrestricted access, confidence and trust. Individuals caught unaware will only empower these unscrupulous individuals and sustain their existence. Forearmed with knowledge, we can halt victimization in the community, and sap those few unscrupulous individuals of their strength as to make them a non-issue.
\nMy hope is that you can avoid harm and heartache others have been subjected to, learn from the past, and look towards the future.
\nBe Well,
\nPhantom Zero
\nEDIT (9\/19\/10) Corollary Statements:<\/strong>
\nI realize I illustrated a number of bad behaviors above, but not how to avoid them or what to do about them. It is far from being a complete list. As follows, in no particular order:<\/em>
\n? If you are aware that someone is acting in a predatory manner towards a minor or other disadvantaged individual, report it to a moderator (if a forum\/message board), a complaints department (if a social networking site), or otherwise to the local law enforcement.\u00a0 Even if they can’t take direct action based on evidence provided, it will go on record, so if such violations are serial behavior, the level of concern will be heightened.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Don’t arbitrarily call or email an individual, because there are ways to trace it back to you.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Don’t let someone victimize you by using leverage or blackmail. The most common threat against individuals I hear about in the community is having someone reveal their RLSH identity in their civilian life to members of their work, school, or family in an attempt to embarrass or threaten the stability of their normal lives. The threat of spreading a rumor about an individual has also been levied against members of the community.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If someone threatens to do damage to your property, or does damage to your property, log it with the local law enforcement.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 While there are kind and good moderators on forums or message boards, the truth of the matter is that they are privately owned or operated, so what they say goes (even if you don’t like it). I’ve seen too many people worn thin by a bad experience on a message board and then carrying a torch of ire against that particular establishment. These sentiments end up festering, and people who share these negative opinions tend to cluster, causing mass disruption and social strife in a community that is geared towards helping individuals. If you have a problem, my suggestion is you just fold and move on and not cause that particular institution any more trouble\/grief. In my opinion, it is better to interact on a site where there is private filtering so you control what content you see and who you interact with. (It should be noted that I have never been an active member of a forum or message board as a RLSH–solely based on my past experiences. Also, because it is a major investment of time.).
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Give credit where credit is due. You’ll find that helping your fellow RLSH out strengthens the bonds within our community. In addition, try to be truthful and honest. Don’t try to garnish the truth or fabricate stories, as it makes you look disingenuous. Bullying is comprised of serial behavior where in “a more powerful individual or group emotionally, verbally and\/or physically abuses those who are less powerful. Cyber-Bullying involves the use of information and communication technologies to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others.<\/em>” Once again, if you are being bullied by a member of the community, report it to a moderator (if a forum\/message board), a complaints department (if a social networking site), or otherwise tell someone in it who you trust.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If someone online shows up unsolicited in the real world, report it to your superior at work, to an authority or security agent at school, or to the local law enforcement.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If someone contacts you by telephone\/text, or private (esp. “civilian”) e-mail, ask them where they got said information.\u00a0 If it disturbs you, ask that they not call again. If they persist in calling after you’ve asked them to stop, request a copy of your phone records and take it to the local law enforcement, block the number, or change your number.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 While information may be accessible easily, you shouldn’t arbitrarily spread it around. Make it a point not to put detailed information online, as even small bits of outdated info can help an individual trying to investigate you. There are people who will try to piece together information about you.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If someone codifies in you, assume (unless otherwise stated) that the information is private (be it a telephone conversation, an email, or a private message).
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Some basic netiquette (modified from Wikipedia’s entry on netiquette): Avoid flame wars and spam. Avoid typing in all caps or grossly enlarging script. One’s posts in a public forum are public. Keep private posts and information private–this includes using BCC when addressing a large group of individuals in mass mail, and not sending mail to civilian or work accounts. If someone asks to be removed from an email thread, please respect their wishes. When someone makes a mistake, be kind about it. If it’s a minor error, you may not need to say anything. If you need to correct, address, or rebuke someone for someone, better to do it in private (via email or private message), as to minimize a person’s embarrassment, as doing it in public only provides a stage complete with audience for another person’s humiliation.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Avoid spreading information or rumors without confirming said information from he source or finding some other way to confirm the credibility of the received information. Often times, people will seed information with is purposely untrue in order to proliferate it through the community. Even though the information is not publicly broadcast, it finds a backdoor through this private rumor mill. Many people assume it is truth. In this way, you act as a pawn in another person’s attempt to manipulate members of the community.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If someone asks you to leave them alone, leave them alone.
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Keep your virus scanning software, spybot software, firewall, and\/or other protections up to date (for a list of downloads, see below<\/em>).\u00a0 Educate yourself in regards to net security.\u00a0 Don’t open up suspicious attachments on emails, or even emails from a strange or unknown source. Don’t follow links from an untrusted source.
\nGeneral Downloads<\/span><\/strong>
\nAVG Antivirus http:\/\/free.avg.com\/us-en\/download
\nSpybot Search and Destroy http:\/\/www.safer-networking.org\/en\/index.html
\nMalwarebytes http:\/\/www.malwarebytes.org\/
\nWindows Defender http:\/\/www.microsoft.com\/windows\/products\/winfamily\/defender\/default.mspx
\nZoneAlarm http:\/\/www.zonealarm.com\/
\nAdd-Ons For Mozilla Firefox
\nAdblock Plus\u00a0 https:\/\/addons.mozilla.org\/en-US\/firefox\/addon\/1865\/
\nCookieCuller\u00a0 https:\/\/addons.mozilla.org\/en-US\/firefox\/addon\/82\/
\nCookieSafe https:\/\/addons.mozilla.org\/en-US\/firefox\/addon\/2497\/
\nFlashBlock https:\/\/addons.mozilla.org\/en-US\/firefox\/addon\/433\/
\nNoScript\u00a0 https:\/\/addons.mozilla.org\/en-US\/firefox\/addon\/722\/
\nNote: The above advice is given in good conscience and good faith.\u00a0 However, Phantom Zero takes no responsibility for the installation\/misinstallation or use\/misuse\u00a0 of the above applications\/software.\u00a0 Any difficulties, problems, errors, or damages to one’s own or another’s\u00a0 computer upon using\/misusing the above are the sole responsibility of the installer\/owner of the computer, and both Phantom Zero and the providers for these services (via their Terms of Use) hold themselves free of responsibility.<\/em>
\n?\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Stalking is a term commonly used to refer to: “unwanted, obsessive attention by individuals (and sometimes groups of people) to others.<\/em>” Cyberstalking is defined as: “the use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk or harass an individual, a group of individuals, or an organization. It may include false accusations, monitoring, making threats, identity theft, damage to data or equipment, the solicitation of minors for sex, or gathering information in order to harass<\/em>.” Both are illegal in most jurisdictions. Archive any correspondence. Contact your local law enforcement.
\nAs a side note, even though it does not pertain to the RLSH community per say (all though I know a lot of you have kids), if you are a parent and you have a minor who has access to a computer, consider parental monitoring and restriction software. Many phone companies also offer plans where in a child can call out\/receive calls to a list of restricted numbers, block numbers relatively easily, set limits on calling time, texting, instant messaging, and\/or have calling is heavily monitored.
\nFeel free to share, copy, distribute and transmit the above whole text (including this disclaimer) in bulletins, blogs, on social networks, message boards, forums, e-mails, so long as you attribute the above to Phantom Zero for re-use (but not in any way that suggests that Phantom Zero endorses you or your use of the work). You must also place a URL to link citing the initial posting so others may find the original work ( http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/notes\/phantomzero-rlsh\/the-violation-of-boundaries-and-how-it-pertains-to-the-rlsh-community\/14233386580973<\/a> ). This work may not be reproduced for non-commercial purposes. Please do not alter, transform, make derivative works which build upon this work, or dissect any part of this work as to have it taken out of context. No content from this post may be used for republication in periodicals, newspapers, magazines, or in news reports by the general media without express clearance from Phantom Zero. Any of the above conditions can be waived if you get permission from Phantom Zero.<\/span><\/em>
\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Phantom Zero blogs about cyber stalking<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9177,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[54,17],"tags":[82,1150,2031,2181,2236,2280,2795,2893],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5944"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5944"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5944\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9177"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5944"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5944"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5944"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}