Today was not my day.
\nI have a REAL elderly parent and she sees the yellow tape at the end of the race so she\u2019s trying to tie up loose ends.
\nThis would not be fun in the first place, but my Mom never won any contests for Miss Congeniality so it was a day of hauling her around in the sun & listening to her chew out Bank staff, Nurses, basically anybody who got in the way of her wrath while sitting there with my face buried in my hand. Finally after a full day of this I get home to Lady Hero & dinner at a Hawaiian restaurant that just opened in Ozona when it hits me\u2026
\n\u201cMan, I got to patrol.\u201d
\nI\u2019m wiped out & on my last leg you think I\u2019d just want to watch the Hula dancers, get home & hit the rack after the Simpson\u2019s or something but no\u2026
\n\u201cMan I got to patrol.\u201d
\nSo I suit up & head for St. Pete, I get a coffee & head for the Highway when the light in front of me turns yellow. \u201cYellow light? No F*&^king problem\u2026I put my foot down on the gas & nothing happens\u2026 that\u2019s when it dawns on me\u2026
\n\u201cOh my GOD! I\u2019m not in the Supermobile! I\u2019m going to F^%$ing DIE!\u201d
\nSo I\u2019m literally standing on the Brake Horizontally and I think the Sentra is doing that \u201cBunching up\u201d thing that the car the Pink Panther had that had a Mind of it\u2019s own would do when it was trying to keep from sailing over a cliff or something when I manage to come to a stop right before the intersection.
\nI\u2019m sitting there shaking & I look down & realize \u201cWow I didn\u2019t spill a drop of coffee.\u201d
\nNow that IS a superpower. You think that would be the end of it but\u2026
\n\u201cMan I got to patrol.\u201d
\nSo I get down there and things finally start to take a swing up. I\u2019m on foot and there\u2019s some kind of huge block party going on, 5 people stopped me that had seen me on HBO & supported what we were doing, another bunch just wanted photos with me or to talk about what I was doing there, but even this wasn\u2019t quenching my desire to be out there.
\n\u201cMan I got to patrol.\u201d
\nSo I walk away from all that & get back into the quiet, Darker, Spookier part of the city. And that\u2019s when it finally dawns on me.
\n\u201cI\u2019m patrolling.\u201d
\n\u201cThis has to be the bottom line draw to this for a lot of guys.\u201d I think to myself.
\nThroughout the day they\u2019re everyday yutzes but for just a few hours a night\u2026
\nThey get to be a F&*^king Jungle Cat. It\u2019s dark, their tights are compressing against their muscles, they\u2019re looking for prey, for just a few hours they get to be on top of the food chain in some form or another.
\nEverything is right in their world.
\nI don\u2019t know why it\u2019s on patrol that I always have moments of clarity, I wonder if other guys are the same way.
\nBecause when it\u2019s done, it\u2019s back home to do the F*&^king dishes.
\nLive the Gimmick
\nSH
\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Superhero blogs about real patrolling.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9401,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[17,22],"tags":[1149,1162,1260,1534,1873,1982,1985,2052,2413,2548,2568,3012],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15917"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15917"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15917\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9401"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15917"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15917"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.rlsh.net\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15917"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}