Tag squeegeeman

Originally Posted: http://www.ranker.com/list/the-12-greatest-real-life-superheroes-of-all-time/davehoward
By DaveHoward
The LAPD has performed a bltizkreig assault on Superheroeson Hollywood Blvd ( http://ow.ly/1Wsch ). True, just in front of the world famous Grauman’s Chinese Theater, dozens of Real-Life people who dress as superheroes on a daily basis were rounded up in a raid. In a sinister government plot not seen since “Heroes., Police jailed members of the” X-Men,” Batman, Edward Scissorhands, Bumblebee, Mr. Incredible and Catwoman. The Incredible Hulk and Superman were just two of the iconic loiterers who outsmarted the fuzz and returned to panhandle another day. Unlike these classic, renowned panhandlers, here are 12 people who really make a difference with their superhero costumes.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz8r0qOm5OMNorse God Thor Stops A Home Invasion/Robbery
This annoying man in the video to your left lets us all know exactly what happened (for a written version of the story, click the link at the bottom of this item).
During a home invasion, a robber was stunned to find a man dressed as the Norse God Thor inside, defending the home. The intruder was chased off from the flat in Edinburgh and left his shoes, and a pitchfork behind. The man jumped out of a window, landing on a roof and was not heard from again after he escaped the Norse God’s wrath.
Local resident Torvald Alexander was dressed up as Thor for a New Year’s Eve Party. The man is 40 years old, and still completely and irrevocably awesome.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/edinburgh_and_east/7807920.stm
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mb_LghFFwkkSpider-Man Prevents Comic Book Robbery
In this absolutely heartwarming story, a local comic book store owner dressed as Spider-Man to commemorate International Free Comic Book Day. He stood around his store dressed as the masked hero all day, greeting customers and enjoying the day. That is, until a man tried to steal a comic book worth well over $100.
The owner, dressed as Spidey the whole time, noticed the shoplifter, took the book out of his bag and brought him to justice.
The best quote from the video is the shop-owner himself getting quite cheeky and letting people know about the crew who helped him out (a couple dressed as Jedi Knights and a man dressed as The Flash): “The Jedis watched the door, while The Flash kept things running…”. Well played, sir. Well played.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Da1ADqPplQ4Shadow Hare Actually Cleans Up Cincinnati Crime
As the movie/comic book “Kick-Ass” asked, “why does nobody actually dress up and try to be a superhero?”… this leader of an Avengers-style (kind of) crew in Cincinnati who calls himself “Shadow Hare” proves that question wrong.
He and his team of “heroes” patrol the streets of Cincinnati, OH, and solve crimes, help the homeless and walk around in broad daylight like it was Halloween at your local high school and nobody had enough money for a real costume.
It’s great to see people legitimately helping out the general public while asking for nothing in return; but it’s funnier to see them dressed up like comic book heroes and handing certified police men business cards in case they “ever need help”.
Their persistence, at least, is nothing to be laughed at — despite Shadow Hare himself talking like the narration in a badly written comic book.
Batman and Robin Catch Drug Suspect
Two police men dressed up as Batman and Robin captured a suspected drug offender in a weird sting operation. Once they approached the door, their intent (to confuse/disorient/distract the offenders) worked to their advantage, as the offenders would not answer the door for some crazy, costumed strangers knocking loudly on their door.
When one of the suspects decided to run out to the back of the house to try and escape, Batman and Robin were there waiting for him. Batman chased the man, hopped over a fence and arrested him. According to fellow officers, PC Eames said: “The bad thing about the operation is that we had to endure hours of terrible puns from PC Holman.”
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-415996/Police-dress-Batman-Robin-catch-drugs-suspect.html
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7pB2gLZtlYThe Holy Trinity: Dark Guardian, Life and Phantom Zero
DARK GUARDIAN is the leader of a Holy Trinity, followed by LIFE and PHANTOM ZERO. Trained in martial arts, DARK GUARDIAN prides himself on patrolling the inner cesspools of New York City. Knowing that safety comes first, he is one of the few superheroes that actually dons a bullet proof vest (he’s the red one in the video). While he hasn’t been shot, guns have been drawn on him… scary as he only arms himself with pepper spray. According to his MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/darkguardianhero) there is a meeting of the heroes this upcoming Sunday (6/8/2010). His powers include: – Bullet-proof vest – Human strength and (obviously) Persistence.
LIFE is one of the few Hassidic Jewish Superheros, and can be found in the video to your left. Born of meager means, he followed the tenants of his faith. This includes leaving the world in a better place than he found it. From http://www.reallifesuperheroes.com/2010/05/21/life/: “This moral code, underscored with a powerful sense of social justice, led him to his work with the homeless and disenfranchised that he found all around him, dispensing those seemingly small amenities that vitally fill in the gaps left by the NYC Department of Homeless Services.”
His powers include: – Giving toiletries to the homeless – Helping confused/needy homeless find shelter – Giving out food to the homeless. L’chaim! He can be found at http://www.myspace.com/theycalledhimlaz
PHANTOM ZERO is one of the first bridge and tunnel superheroes. Based in New Jersey, he’s often found on the streets of New York. While in most media appearances, he seems like an earnest enough bloke, do not cross him. In this video, he responds to detractors.
From his MySpace page: http://www.myspace.com/ph0hero “The most important aspect of being a Real Life Super Hero is as simple as this: You selflessly serve a pro social mission. It’s not about conquering groups of people to display your physical or martial prowess. It’s not about having scads of cutting edge technology at your disposal. It’s not about training one’s mind to the limits of human perfection so they can out think everyone and everything that comes their way.”
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ype4XKrNGXwRazorhawk
You’re nobody until Fox News mocks you as a misguided “do-gooder” (and then outs your secret identity).
Razorhawk, a former gas station employee, patrols the evil confines of Minneapolis. While crime is not the most important thing in the City of Lakes, he still helps out. He spends his time volunteering helping seniors and a very successful Toys For Tots program.
He doesn’t care for the term “Superhero” but prefers “the title Masked Adventurer as I do not have any special abilities or powers. I am just a guy who wears a uniform and promotes safety and crime awareness. I perform safety patrols in my town and in Minneapolis, as well as help out with many charities that help kids.”
He can be found at http://www.myspace.com/razorhawk_glhg
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgAU_H8essYNyx
Previously known as Hellcat, Felinity, and Sphynx; NYX is an ever-evolving superhero. Also a bridge and tunneler, she is one of the few female superheroes, filling the boots of such retired greats as Terrifica (who patrolled NYC bars saving cosmo’d women from bad decisions).
Usually donned in lingerie, she stands for diversity.
From her MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/nyx22) “I respect all RLSHs (Real Life Superheroes) of every sort, it’s not an easy life we’ve chosen but we’ve chosen it nonetheless.”
Here she explains what the platform of the Real Life Superhero Project should be… just pretend it makes sense.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wwQ_PRS748Citizen Prime – Utah Crime Fighter Extraordinaire
Citizen Prime hails from Utah and has recently announced his retirement. It’s too bad because his costume is great, even if it’s really really loud (after this fascinating video, see his interview at about 2:35).
This is, in part, due to his house being burgled and some key elements of his persona being taken from him.
Formerly calling Arizona his home, he has appeared at the Phoenix Comic-Con and tralled the mean streets of the Super Bowl parking lot.
Powers:
– His real passion is working with kids, helping them find the hero within. He appears in the video around the 2:30 mark. He works with kids in a program that is built for people to defend themselves, as well as discover their inner hero. A kind of a Tony Robbins for kids.
His MySpace page can be found at http://www.myspacae.com/paragonprime
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9srsaJW1bKMEnigma
Enigma, a pro-green superhero that hails from San Antonio, home of the Alamo.
His philosophy is simple: “Pride, Integrity and Honor.”
From his MySpace, ( http://www.myspace.com/enigmarlsh: ):
“I was put on this earth gifted from the lord, gifted to accomplish goals both mentally and physically challenging. I am here to help others and defend ones in need. I’m here to help clean up society and make the world feel and be a safe once again! I made the decision to dedicate my life to protect and help anyone in need, even if it means sacrificing my own to accomplish this goal.”
Enigma is more than a treehugger. According to his blog, he recently fought off two guys breaking into a car, using only an acid tinged tongue and a palm strike to the head. He then zip-tied them and used their phone to call 911.”
Bad. Freaking. Ass.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpFer_LXE3cSqueegee Man, Captain Xavier Obvious
Squeegee Man and his partner, Captain Xavier Obvious, have embraced the West/Ward concept of Superherodom.
Often seen promoting social causes such as the AIDS Walk, they are currently living in a “secret” rooftop lair somewhere in New York.
From Squeegee Man’s My Space (http://www.myspace.com/squeegeerific ) announcement for his failed 2008 presidential campaign, where he had a platform that included “I promise to make America Squeegeetasting again!”
A bit of a rogue he is not currently a member of The Real Life Superhero Project. Here is a bit ABC did on them. http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=3281359
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_I0sl2CArXYCrimson Fist
While he will not give out his secret identity, he also refuses to wear a mask.
Crimson Fist hails from Atlanta, GA and spends a few days a month working with folks who may need a granola bar and a bottle of water.
After a tumultuous trial of drugs and booze, he discovered his alter ego and hits the streets before he could hit the skids.
His MySpace http://www.myspace.com/heroatl claims that he is now undercover.
Just like everyone else who has still a MySpace page!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yyheqc-6ZM012. Mr. Silent
Despite the misnomer of Mr. Silent, he took some time out to speak with Fox News.
He came across his alter-ego during a drunken moment of clarity, while watching Superheroes flix at a friend’s place. Steering away from the vigilante image of crime fighter, he recently helped the police locate the owner of a discarded purse.
In 2009 he went underground, but we know we will hear from his soon. Oh, wait…
13. Everyone Else
BONUS: If you are salivating for more, here is a clip from the not so secret society RealLifeSuperheroes.com . This is a broader overview of some of the previously mentioned heroes.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hohnzMe0cWw
 

Originally pubished : http://www.virginmedia.com/movies/movieextras/top10s/real-life-superheroes.php
With DIY superhero Kick-Ass bursting into cinemas, we meet the real men and women who have dedicated their lives to helping others…
Squeegeeman

Who? A “mass do-gooder” who vows to rid New York of both crime and grime. His superhero weapon of choice? A squeegee.
Why? Claiming to have been born with “Super-squeegee abilities”, Squeegeeman not only fights crime, but also goes on hospital visits, plants trees and collects money for charity. He claims that when someone walks down a clean street in New York or makes it home without getting mugged, they have him to thank, which kind of steals credit away from the city street-cleaners and the NYPD.
Movie hero equivalent: WALL•E, the only movie character to equal Squeegeeman’s superhuman dedication to cleaning and tidying.
Entomo, the Insect Man of Napels

Who? This Italian hero claims a near-death experience connected him to “a spiritual plane of existence involving insects”.
Why? Entomo lists his superpowers as sharpened senses, agility and an insect-like psychic ability he calls ‘parallelogram’ – apparently this helps him to establish “a specific psychological/physical profile only based on tiny, almost insignificant details”. Entomo battles criminals as well as corrupt politicians, and he even has his own superhero catchphrase: “Hear my buzz, fear my bite: I inject justice”. Catchy.
Movie hero equivalent: Spider-Man, who also developed creepy-crawly superpowers of agility and a special ‘spidey sense’.
Terrifica

Who? A guardian fighting for sobriety, chastity and the way home for drunk, vulnerable females in need of protection from lusty men.
Why? Like a disapproving parent in a costume, Terrifica patrols bars and parties in New York late at night defending inebriated women from lecherous guys looking to take advantage while armed with pepper spray, a camera and Smarties (to keep her energy levels up). Curiously, she even has her own arch-nemesis, Fantastico, a ‘supervillain’ lothario who dresses in velvet and skulks around bars trying to pick up defenceless women.
Movie hero equivalent: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who also rescued damsels in distress from preying monsters and predators.
Zetaman

Who? A self-confessed nerd who adopted a costume and name to be more like the superheroes in his favourite comics.
Why? While Zetaman tries to steer clear of actual crime-fighting (“I guess it sounds kind of less heroic, but I don’t want to die”), he arms himself with a collapsible baton, a stun gun, an air horn and a mobile phone just in case. The most important items in his arsenal, however, are blankets, gloves, socks and sandwiches which he hands out to the men and women who are forced to live on the streets of his home town Portland, Oregon.
Movie hero equivalent: Superman, who shares Zetaman’s humanitarian attitude and his chest-based insignia.
Angle-Grinder Man

Who? A costumed vigilante who fights the system by offering a free wheel-clamp removal service for frustrated motorists in the UK.
Why? Rebelling against what he considers to be oppressive measures such as congestion charges, CCTV and speed cameras, Angle-Grinder Man takes a stand against “arrogant” politicians by providing wheel-clamp aid to persecuted vehicle owners in Kent and London (at weekends). His website lists his mobile number for such emergencies, presumably because no one has access to a giant Angle-Grinder signal light to shine in the sky.
Movie hero equivalent: V from V For Vendetta, another British vigilante who fights against a corrupt government.
Master Legend

Who? A costumed crime-fighter who claims to have psychic abilities, as well as powers bestowed to him by a voodoo queen.
Why? The daddy of superheroes, Master Legend has been thwarting criminals for over a decade and the local sheriff in his hometown of Winter Park, Florida has even confirmed that the masked hero has helped with many arrests. With his own means of transport (the Legend Cycle) and armed with his Master Blaster personal cannon (a spud gun), this old defender shows no sign of hanging up his tights any time soon.
Movie hero equivalent: Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men who also has psychic powers (minus the silver body armour).
Superbarrio

Who? A Mexican hero who takes a realistic approach to fighting crime and corruption: by organising labour rallies and filing petitions.
Why? Donning a red-and-yellow costume, complete with wrestler’s mask, Superbarrio is a champion for the working class and homeless of Mexico City. His work protecting low-income neighbourhoods by leading protests and challenging court decisions has resulted in the hefty campaigner becoming a folk legend – he even had a giant-size statue erected in his honour and once met with Fidel Castro.
Movie hero equivalent: Nacho Libre, the tubby Mexican wrestler who also has a secret identity.
Dark Guardian

Who? Criminals of New York beware! This highly-trained martial artist is “dedicated to making the world a better place”.
Why? Despite going through some costume changes in the past, Dark Guardian is a committed superhero who claims to have helped the police in apprehending various drug dealers and tracking down an illegal gambling den. Unlike most of his other superhero colleagues, he does not keep his true identity secret – his real name is Chris Pollack. Dark Guardian sounds better though.
Movie hero equivalent: Batman, the Dark Knight, as another hero of the night fighting against injustice.
Citizen Prime

Who? A recently retired superhero who fought crime in $4000 body armour and helped to found the Worldwide Heroes Organization.
Why? A financial executive by day, Citizen Prime would patrol the streets clad in a helmet, breastplate, pads and codpiece and was also particularly involved in his local community, often visiting youth centres and schools. News of his retirement was met with much mourning among the real-life superhero community, although criminals in his area presumably rejoiced.
Movie hero equivalent: Robocop, who wore similar armour and shared his attitude towards promoting good citizenship.
Death’s Head Moth

Who? Strikes fear into criminals with sinister imagery and a scary name. Probably doesn’t do many school visits.
Why? Armed with ‘moth-a-rangs’ (specially made metal throwing ninja stars shaped like moths) and a dark, brooding attitude, Deaths Head Moth fights crime in Norfolk, Virginia and is a well-known name in the superhero community, often teaming up with other heroes and being an active member of the Great Lakes Heroes Guild.
Movie hero equivalent: Rorschach, the cynical anti-hero in Watchmen who has an attitude as fearsome as his fighting skills.
Tothian

Who? Dispensing with the costume and novelties, Tothian focuses on the most important part of being a superhero: fighting crime.
Why? Having served five years in the Marine Reserves, Tothian has the discipline, as well as the physical capabilities, to treat crime-fighting as a serious calling. Claiming that martial arts is only one aspect of the training required to be a superhero (he also lists law, criminology, forensics and first aid, among others), this patrolling defender uses his special expertise to prevent crime and ensure the safety of the residents in his hometown, New Jersey.
Movie hero equivalent: Steven Seagal in every one of his movies. He has the combat skills and mental attitude to take criminals down
Captain Prospect

Who? Founder of the Capital City Super Squad, a team of superheroes who help to protect and serve Washington DC.
Why? Along with his superhero colleagues Nice Ninja, Spark, Siren, Justice, DC Guardian and The Puzzler, Captain Prospect helps the people of Washington DC by undertaking safety patrols, contributing to community events and organising fundraisers, as well as feeding the homeless. This patriotic do-gooder even chose the colours and design of his costume to reflect the DC flag.
Movie hero equivalent: Captain America, the leader of The Avengers, who will be starring in his own movie due out in 2011.
Mr. Xtreme

Who? Part of the Xtreme Justice League, a team of costumed superheroes who tackle violent crime on the streets of San Diego.
Why? Using a camouflage mask with bug-shaped mesh eye-holes to keep his identity secret, Mr Xtreme patrols the streets late at night armed with a stun-gun, pepper spray and handcuffs in order to apprehend criminals as well as promote a positive message to youngsters and raise public awareness about local crime. By day, however, Mr Xtreme is merely a mild-mannered security guard. Presumably, he takes the mask off then.
Movie hero equivalent: David Dunn (Bruce Willis) from Unbreakable, a security guard who discovers he has superhero-like abilities.
Shadow Hare

Who? A caped crusader who fights crime on the streets of Cincinatti with the ominous symbol of a demonic rabbit on his chest.
Why? Declaring to “see the shadows of shadows”, this costumed hero claims to have stopped “many evil doers, such as drug dealers, muggers, rapists and crazy hobos with pipes”. Despite being a trained martial artist who carries mace, a taser and handcuffs, Shadow Hare actually dislocated his shoulder while assisting a woman who was being robbed, just to prove that you shouldn’t be trying this at home. Luckily he can speed away on his Segway scooter if the fight gets too much for him.
Movie hero equivalent: Frank, the demonic rabbit from Donnie Darko who also liked to stick to the shadows.
Polar Man

Who? Hardly a crime-fighter, this local hero helps his community by shovelling snow off the steps for day-care centres and the elderly.
Why? Hailing from Nunavut, a particularly icy region of North Canada, Polarman is the friendly neighbourhood superhero who, as well as clearing snow for those in need, helps to keep playgrounds in order for the local kids and deters vandals. He is said to model himself on a man in Inuit legend who provided food and clothing to the poor while riding a polar bear.
Movie hero equivalent: Iceman, the sub-zero superhero from the X-Men who doesn’t, unfortunately, ride on a polar bear.

Examiner 01 PDF
Examiner 02 PDF
April 04, 2008
By Dan Rafter
Holy Batman! People are taking a page from the Caped Crusader’s comic book and turning themselves into superheroes- even though they don’t have any special powers!
Donning eye-catching costumes, real-life superheroes with names like Squeegeeman, Dark Guardian and Entomo the Insect Man have begun appearing across the United States and around the globe- in a movement to make the world a better place. But these crusaders for justice- estimated at 225 around the world, include about 175 in the United States- are often less concerned with bashing heads than feeding the homeless, saving the environment or just doing good.
Squeegeeman has vowed to clean up New York City, one windshied or city block at a time. New Yorkers who don’t get mugged while walking n a clean street should probably praise the caped cleaner.
Martial arts expert Geist of Rochester, Minn., confronts evildoers with a wide-brimmed hat, reflective sunglasses, a scarf-like mask and a array of non-lethal weapons, including smoke grenades and a 6-inch fighting stick.
Citizen Prime of Phoenix spent $4,000 on a custom-made costume- including a steel helmet and breast-plate and yellow cape. And when his foot patrols don’t find enough crime, he volunteers for crime-prevention causes and children’s charities.
A secretive martial arts instructor patrols New York City’s Staten Island as Dark Guardian, while wearing spandex fit for a professional wrestler. The 23-year-old hero recently held a convenience store robber at bay until the cops arrived.
Hardwire, 20 of Greensboro-Durham, N.C., describes himself as a “tech hero, like Batman with the attitude,” while Entomo the Insect Man give Spider-Man a run for his bugged-out reputation in Naples, Italy, declaring: “I inject justice.”
In Portland, Ore., the needy can count on Zetaman to make regular rounds distributing free food and clothing. To protect himself and those he serves, Zetaman carries pepper spray, an extendable steel baton and a Taser packing 30,000 volts.

It’s a tough job being Portland’s only superhero.
Once a week for the past 18 months, Zetaman has donned his costume and patrolled downtown Portland, seeking out the needy with gifts of food and clothing.
He goes armed with an extendable steel baton, pepper spray, and a Taser that delivers 30,000 volts—enough to put a man on the ground. Those tools of the trade are to defend himself or people in trouble. But he doesn’t pick fights, and so far he hasn’t been forced to draw his weapons or apprehend anybody.
Like the men under the Burnside Bridge one recent Saturday night when temperatures fell into the low 40s, most of the people Zetaman encounters are grateful for the help.
But they also fail to ask the obvious question: What possesses a stocky 29-year-old to put on a homemade costume and prowl the city streets in the dead of night?
The answers lie both in Zetaman’s own past and on the Web, where in recent years hundreds of other self-styled “real-life superheroes” have sprung into existence around the country.
Zetaman was hesitant to reveal his secrets when contacted by WW. But in the end he agreed to be interviewed and allow a reporter to spend two nights on patrol with him, in hopes that the publicity will inspire more people to become costumed heroes.
“This is not about me,” he insists. “Anyone could do this. I’m nothing special.” He doesn’t even like the term “superhero,” preferring to call himself a “man of mystery.”
But he admits being a costumed avenger is addictive after the first taste of parading in public with a “Z” on your chest.
“I couldn’t stop after that,” he says. “I feel great about myself. I’m staying active in the community. And I like comic books, I like great and noble ideas—like He-Man and Spider-Man. And they all have this thing about noble responsibility.”
On the pages of MySpace.com and in Internet chat rooms, the superheroes plan missions and exchange tips on fighting crime. That is, when they’re not sniping at each other, forming rival superteams, or weathering real-life attacks from mysterious supervillains. But more on the rivalries later.
Most heroes say they’re in the business to make a positive impact. Or just to have a good time.
“People will tell you they had a calling or a vision,” says “Superhero,” a 39-year-old former pro wrestler from Clearwater, Fla., who patrols his hometown in a souped-up ’75 Corvette. “I used to tell people I was trying to be a symbol. Then I realized it was a bunch of crap, and I do it ’cause it’s hella fun.”
In a world where sci-fi has come true and flip phones are as commonplace as pencils, the Eye, a 49-year-old superhero in Mountain View, Calif., says there’s nothing left to stop people from living out their comic-book fantasies.
“Every citizen should do something of that nature,” says the Eye, who says he uses his skills as a former private eye to solve crimes. “I just use the persona to protect the identity and do it with a little style, I suppose.”
It’s easy for the casual observer to wonder what the hell Zetaman or any superhero is accomplishing when the country is dealing with serious issues like the fifth anniversary of the start of the war in Iraq or the threat of a recession. And it’s just as easy to laugh at any superhero’s MySpace page, Zetaman’s included.
If you went online right now and accused him of being a supergeek, you certainly wouldn’t be the first.
But consider this: If our life is basically a quest for identity and purpose, real-life superheroes have a huge advantage on ordinary mortals. And for that, they credit the Internet—a world where users can instantly create new personas and seek out others with the same interests.
Dr. Gordon Nagayama Hall, a University of Oregon psychology professor, says real-life superheroes probably have an inflated sense of self-worth, even as they help the innocent.
“Some of us might do those things without the costume,” he says. “The sort of bizarre nature of it suggests to me they might be looking for some kind of recognition that might stem from some narcissistic process.”
The Web merely feeds that impulse, he says. “These Internet groups create this support that actually emboldens people to go out there and act out their fantasy.”
Or as Zetaman puts it, in less academic terms: “It’s a pretty easy club to join. All you need is a costume and a MySpace page.”
It’s taboo in the superhero world to call them by their real names. But by day, Zetaman is Illya King, a married man with no kids. He makes about $40,000 a year, lives in a two-bedroom apartment in Beaverton, drives a 1998 Ford minivan with 96,000 miles on it, and has no criminal record.
Zetaman declined to reveal where he works or what he does for a living, because, he says, he’s concerned about strangers showing up and harassing him on the job.
His stated motives for being a superhero range from the quotidian (“having a cool costume, having a cool identity”) to the quixotic (“helping as many people as I can as selflessly as I can”).
He hesitated to reveal his name for this story because, he says, his true identity is inconsequential. He insists he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself, but to serve as an example. And there’s another, more pressing reason Zetaman hesitates to identify himself: an alarming incident last month in California.
In an unprecedented turn, Zetaman’s superhero buddy Ragensi, who patrols the town of Huntington Beach, Calif., in a black ninja costume, says he was attacked by what appeared to be an unknown supervillain.
Nothing is known of the attacker, Zetaman says, except that he wore special pads used by other superheroes and seemed to be well-prepared, lurking in wait. He used martial-arts moves against Ragensi, who managed to escape using his own fighting skills.
Ragensi did not respond to WW’s requests for an interview. But Zetaman says the unprovoked attack made him redouble his reluctance to identify himself. “We’re still pretty freaked out by the whole thing,” Zetaman says.
Crazy as it may sound to the rest of us, the superhero community has long feared the possibility that supervillains may emerge to confront them. But even after Ragensi’s run-in, Zetaman says it never occurred to him that he could be a target. His costume is more low-profile than Ragensi’s ninja garb, and on the nights WW patrolled with Zetaman, he drew no stares on the streets of downtown. Even the people he helps rarely realize he’s a superhero.
Zetaman’s origins date back to 2006, a time when he was going through a rough stretch in his personal life. Both he and his wife had temporarily lost their jobs, and at the same time they were hit with thousands of dollars in medical bills when his wife suffered a miscarriage. As the couple sank into debt, collection agencies turned nasty, filing claims against them in court for more than $5,000.
But the Portland megachurch they were attending put more of an emphasis on money than other churches they had gone to, pushing the faithful to give at least 10 percent of their pre-tax income to receive the full blessings of God. The couple couldn’t put up that kind of cash. Friends began praying for them.
“We felt like we were charity cases,” Zetaman says. He made a vow. “I’m gonna find a way to make my name for something. I’m basically gonna stick it to the man. That’s how it started off.”
A comics fan since he was a kid growing up in California, Connecticut and Vancouver, Wash., he was tooling around online and found a website for Mr. Silent, an Indianapolis-based superhero. A search brought him to others, including Dark Guardian and Squeegeeman, both in New York.
(Squeegeeman is on the campy end of the superhero spectrum. His MySpace page claims he fights “crime and grime,” and shows videos of him participating in the 2007 AIDS Walk New York and giving out water during the city’s 100-degree heat wave last summer.)
Zetaman was impressed, but his search turned up no local superheroes. “I was kind of shocked that there was nothing like this in Portland,” Zetaman recalls. “Our motto is ‘Keep Portland Weird.’ Where’s all the weird people?”
He created a Yahoo account to establish a new identity online. He started working out, dropping 10 pounds on his 5-foot-6-inch frame, bringing him down to 200 pounds. And he hit the stores to buy his first costume: a spandex shirt from Wal-Mart, leather jeans from Hot Topic and boots from cryoflesh.com, a goth website. At Party City he bought a zebra mask and remodeled it to fit his first identity: the Cat.
He made his public debut on Aug. 18, 2006, when he planned to patrol while a movie was showing on Pioneer Square. He arrived at a downtown parking garage about 10 pm, donned his Cat mask and stood gazing out over the city, when a woman got off the elevator to walk to her car and started screaming. Two bicycle cops swooped in to question him.
“I thought, this is not cool. This is not gonna work at all,” he says. “I want to be a positive force, not some kind of a thug.”
Going against the advice of other heroes, he ditched the mask altogether and switched to Zetaman—a combination of Zorro and Superman, two of his favorite heroes, riffing off the Greek name for the letter Z.
Without the mask, he no longer incited public panic. But the costume remained a work in progress. He paid $70 for a full-length spandex costume from Minneapolis-based Hero Gear, which outfits many of the Internet’s real-life superheroes. But the full-body suit didn’t fly.
“It kind of sucked,” Zetaman says. “I wasn’t feeling it.”
A $45 spandex shirt with the stylized “Z” on the chest worked out better. But his leather pants brought unwanted attention from certain men on Southwest Stark Street, so he switched to cargo pants instead. He says that cut down on the catcalls.
He keeps his identity secret from everyone but a few family members. His parents are still in the dark. “Here I am, almost 30, and I still care about what my parents think,” he says. “I have an outfit, I run around in the middle of the night, and I hang out with homeless people. So yeah, I’ve kind of avoided that conversation.”
His wife of seven years, Allison King, 30, says at first she was apprehensive because she worried about his safety. But now she fully supports him. “He’s just my hero,” she says. “One of the things I fell in love with him for, he cares about other people so much.”
Now Allison accompanies him on patrol in civilian clothes, helping him pass out food and occasionally filming video she posts on YouTube. “It’s not how I thought I would be spending time with my husband,” she says. “But it’s awesome.”
Zetaman’s not into superhero kink, but he once slipped into bed in uniform. It didn’t work out. “It just felt too stupid,” he says. “I was just laughing.”
Vigilante justice has a controversial history, from Old West posses seeking revenge against Native American tribes to today’s Minuteman Civil Defense Corps patrolling the Mexican border. But the work of Zetaman and other superheroes appears to stay within the law.
Most states allow a citizen’s arrest if a crime is being committed. No permits are needed to carry Zetaman’s chosen weapons of batons, Mace or Tasers, at least in Portland. And while it may be eccentric to do community service in spandex, no one’s been arrested for impersonating a superhero.
A nationwide community-policing group called the Guardian Angels has existed legally for decades, including a local chapter that patrols the MAX line in Portland in their trademark red berets.
Though controversial with some critics, Guardian Angels leaders insist the group is a benefit to the public. Carrying no weapons, they travel in groups, concentrating on public places where people feel menaced. Zetaman and other heroes say their mission is little different.
“I certainly applaud him,” says Curtis Sliwa, who founded the Guardian Angels in New York in 1979. “He’s not getting paid for this. He’s risking his life, and he’s helping those who can’t help themselves.”
Cops take a different view of Zetaman.
“I think he’s going to get in big trouble,” says Sgt. Doug Justus of the Portland Police Bureau’s Drugs and Vice Division. “As soon as you start interfering with a crime in progress, if the guy doesn’t identify you as a police officer, I think you’re asking to get hurt.”
The upsurge in superhero activity across the country appears to have caused no complaints elsewhere. Even in Mountain View, Calif., where the Eye claims he uses light-emitting diodes to temporarily blind people while he’s solving crimes, local police spokeswoman Liz Wylie says cops there have never heard of him.
Zetaman says he’s only once stopped a crime in progress—honking his horn to scare off a guy trying to steal cars downtown. He’s lectured a few drug dealers, but unless there was a person in immediate danger, he says he’d be more likely to call the police on his cell phone than try to stop a crime himself.
“I guess it sounds kind of less heroic, but I don’t want to die,” he says. As for taking out gangs and other organized crime, he says he simply doesn’t have the time or the resources. “I wish I had a million dollars, like Batman,” he says. “But I’m just one guy out there. I’m not strong enough.”
In the past two years, superheroes say their numbers have exploded, largely due to MySpace, the social networking site that’s grown over the same time with its M.O. of allowing users to forge a fake identity and communicate with each other while remaining completely anonymous.
Hundreds of MySpace users pose as superheroes, but Zetaman—who’s intensely involved in the superheroes’ online community and set up several of their most popular bulletin boards—estimates fewer than 30 nationwide actually go out on patrol. As Zetaman suggests, the only requirements to be a superhero seem to be a costume and a nickname, though several also claim to have psychic powers.
Master Legend, a superhero from Winter Park, Fla., claims he can sense when people are in danger. He also says he has super strength and healing powers. And he’s not afraid to beat up bad guys like crack dealers, starting out by taunting them in his superhero costume.
“They just don’t know what to think of that. It shocks them,” he says. “They can’t help themselves any longer, and they come and attack me, and it’s showtime. And you can hear from me laughing how much I love it. I love to jump into action.”
Heroes in Florida and New York claim to have no trouble finding street crime, but Portland’s darkest alleys are a safety zone by comparison. Zetaman tried patrolling in the parks around Portland State University (don’t people get mugged in parks?). Still no dice.
His 70-plus nights on the street have led him to the conclusion that in Portland, the homeless are the real people in need. Now he wears a backpack stuffed with blankets, hats, gloves and socks to give away. He lugs bags of food and soda. One night last month he gave out five double cheeseburgers and five chicken sandwiches from McDonald’s, along with a 12-pack of Shasta cola.
Despite the fact that he’s still paying off his own debts, he says he spends about $100 a month out of his own pocket helping the homeless.
Besides giving out food, blankets and clothing, he also offers help getting to a shelter, or into a drug treatment program. But few accept the offer. “It sounds bad,” he says, “but people have to want help in order to get help. It took me a while to learn that.”
Zetaman’s do-gooder philosophy has taken heat from heroes who claim to take a more vigilante approach. His critics include Tothian, a New Jersey-based hero whose MySpace page says he “destroys evil.” Tothian told WW in an email that he once beat up seven armed men while on patrol.
The two heroes tangled on Internet chat boards last April after Tothian declared himself “leader” of the superhero community. But Tothian declined to criticize Zetaman in a WW interview. “Some things are not for the public eye or the media,” Tothian says.
Like many so-called online communities (see some of Oregon’s blogs on the political left and right as examples), legitimate differences and personal attacks have gradually eroded some of the group spirit that once united superheroes. Just like heroes and villains in comic books, they’re now divided into a number of opposing teams that occasionally come into open conflict online.
The conflict deepened when some heroes began calling openly for violence. “It’s pretty bizarre, the emoed-out kids that are more into the dark side of doing this,” Superhero says. Zetaman says he regrets his role in designing one of the message boards. “Now it’s more like this mini homeland-terrorism site, and it pisses me off,” he says.
After a tiff that Zetaman dismisses as “Internet drama,” Tothian kicked Zetaman off that bulletin board, known as Heroes Network. Zetaman in turn founded the Alternates, a group that includes the Eye and Ragensi. The three are holding a secret meeting in San Jose this May to get better organized, hoping to form a new West Coast superhero squad.
Zetaman also hopes to start up a Portland-based group. “I want to move on to where it’s not just me,” he says. “I think more people should pick up a comic book and say, you know, maybe I don’t have to be so gray all the time.”
While most of the online community refer to themselves as “real-life superheroes,” Zetaman says actual real-life superheroes are police, firefighters and other first responders.Zetaman broadcasts a superhero-themed live radio show online each Thursday night at midnight. You can hear it any time at blogtalkradio.com/thealternates.
Superbarrio, a real-life superhero in Mexico City, has gained fame since 1995 by organizing labor rallies and protests and filing petitions to stop government corruption.
Find real-life superheroes online:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real-life_superhero
freewebs.com/heroesnetwork/
thealternates.org
myspace.com/zetamanofportland
myspace.com/masterlegend
myspace.com/ragensi
myspace.com/eyewatch_24_7
myspace.com/darkguardianhero
myspace.com/squeegeerific
myspace.com/tothian

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGBJnPhMIQ

MY SQUEEGEE-FRIENDS,
TIMES ARE TOUGH IN AMERICA. THE ECONOMY, HEALTH CARE, AND FOREIGN RELATIONS ARE A SQUEEGEE-MESS. MANY AMERICANS CITIZENS HAVE SQUEEGEE-LOST THEIR HOMES AND JOBS. AND WHEN IN THESE DIRE TIMES AMERICANS TURNED TO THEIR PRESIDENT, HE DID NOTHING. IT IS TIME THAT AMERICA SQUEEGEE-RENEWS ITS HOPE FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE AND SQUEEGEE-RESTORES ITS CONFIDENCE IN ITS LEADER. IT IS UP TO EVERY AMERICAN TO SQUEEGEE-ELECT A NEW PRESIDENT WHO WILL SQUEEGEE-LEAD US INTO AN ERA OF SQUEEGEE-PROSPERITY. BUT WHO? AMERICA NEEDS SOMEONE NOBLE AND COURAGEOUS, A DEFENDER OF WHAT IS RIGHT AND A DEFEATER OF WHAT IS WRONG, SOMEONE TO STAND UP AGAINST WHAT IS BAD AND FIGHT FOR WHAT IS GOOD, AMERICA NEEDS MORE THAN A MERE MAN, AMERICA NEEDS A HERO… AMERICA NEEDS A SUPERHERO!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT’S WHY I, SQUEEGEEMAN AM PROCLAIMING MY CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!! I PROMIS TO MAKE AMERICA SQUEEGEETASTIC AGAIN, BY SQUEEGEE-LOWERING TAXES, SQUEEGEE-ENSURING THAT ALL AMERICANS HAVE SQUEEGEE-HEALTH CARE, SQUEEGEE-IMPROVING EDUCATION, SQUEEGEE-WINNING THE WARS IN IRAQ AND AFGANISTAN, SQUEEGEE-BRINGING OUR TROOPS HOME, SQUEEGEE-GIVING THE WORLD DEMOCRACY AND FREEDOM, SQUEEGEE- FIXING THE ECONOMY, SQUEEGEEING CORRUPTION OUT OF WASHINGTON, SQUEEGEE-CLEAN UP WALL STREET, MAIN STREET, AND PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, AND SQUEEGEE-RESTORING HONESTY AND INTEGRITY TO THE WHITEHOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
TODAY IS A HISTORIC DAY – A SQUEEGEE-HISTORIC DAY. I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY SQUEEGEE-CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, NOW GIVE ME YOUR SQUEEGEE-VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!
SQUEEGEE-THANK YOU AND SQUEEGEE-BLESS AMERICA!!!!!
SQUEEGEEMAN
 

Scanned copy of National Enquirer article
LOOK! Up in the sky! It′s a bird… it′s a plane… HOLD IT!
You no longer have to crane your neck to spot Superman or Spider-Man. Dozens of real-life superheroes now spend their nights patrolling the mean streets of some of America’s largest cities.
Are they crazy? Maybe. Eccentric? Definitely.
And because they lack the super-powers of their comic book counterparts, they mostly serve as a kind of colorful citizen′s watch patrol. But there′s no doubt they cut down on crime.
“What started as beloved comic book fantasies have become a reality in many places in America- and that′s a good thing for everyone,” declares Citizen Prime, a self-styled superhero, who for nearly two years have patrolled the streets of Phoenix in a Batman-like outfit.
“As a child, I always loved Captain American, and now I hope to bring what inspired me to the real world and do some good,” said Prime, a 40-year-old business executive, who in true super-hero tradition, keeps his real identity secret.
PRIME PATROLS ON FOOT or in a white Nissan Xterra. But in Clearwater, Fla., his 38-year-old friend, who simply calls himself Superhero, patrols in a flashy red 1975 Corvette with a police scanner.
“Mostly I provide help for people- roadside assistance. But if necessary I can do more,” Superhero, a former professional wrestler, told the ENQUIRER.
“My message to people is to do whatever you can help people. You don′t have to be a superhero to help an old lady across the street or deliver food to a homeless person.”
New York City has many active superheroes, including Chris Guardian and Squeegeman.
Chris Guardian, 23, a martial arts instructor, patrols dangerous New York neighborhoods helping anybody who is frightened or needs assistance.
“Over the past three years, I′ve stopped several fights, beatings and a robbery,” he said.
“But I′ve also been able to do a lot of community service ‾ spending time with sick children in hospitals, cleaning up graffiti, and helping the homeless.”
Squeegeman, 27, gets involved with food drives, street cleaning and charity projects.
About 100 superheroes are hard at work across America. For a comprehensive list, with links to individual Web sites, visit the Heroes Network at: www.freewebs.com/heroesnetwork/index.htm

It’s a bird! It’s a plane!! It’s … Squeegeeman and Captain Xavier Obvious?
That’s right. Squeegeeman and Captain Obvious are self-proclaimed superheroes — much like the Fantastic Four or the Amazing Spiderman, only they’re real people … and not that super.

Criminals and Pedestrians Beware!

They stalk the mean streets of New York City. Squeegeeman wields his squeegee of justice, squeegee gloves and squeegee grappling hook, while Captain Obvious uses his megaphone of truth through which he dispenses the obvious — his particular superpower.
“Usually, it’s just the sight of me that prevents people from doing crime. It’s like having a lot of cops around,” Squeegeeman explained.
Squeegeeman and Captain Obvious patrol New York in their superhero costumes, complete with capes, masks and, of course, their superpowers. And while they do claim to fight crime all the time, their primary objective is to do good deeds.
They hand out water when it’s hot, visit hospitals, plant trees and collect money for various causes like the AIDS walk.
According to Captain Obvious, we can all use a superhero or two in our life. “I can’t imagine a world without heroes. There is always good, and there is always bad, and they need heroes to pick people out of the bad and into the good.”
And apparently, being a superhero is a full-time job. It’s what they do. They wouldn’t reveal their identities to “Nightline,” nor would they disclose the location of their secret lair.

The Making of a Superhero

So how does one become a superhero? Spiderman, for example, got bitten by a spider. Superman came from Krypton, and the murder of his parents set Batman on his path. Was Squeegeeman attacked by an evil squeegee?
“No, really, I was kind of born with Supersqueegee abilities,” he explained. Captain Obvious said their motivation comes from instinct. “It’s right to do the good thing, and not enough people do good things, so we need to bring attention to doing the good things.”
Of course, all superheroes have their superweakness — their personal kryptonite that renders them powerless. Captain Obvious spoke of his nemesis — Indian food. “It’s oppressive,” he laughed. “You wouldn’t be laughing if we were eating Indian food!”
While there is an undeniable humor to these caped crusaders, the costumes, quips and props might be what it takes to be a hero in a modern-day metropolis like New York City. And as amusing as they may look, there is substance behind their spandex.

Every Superhero Has A Message

“My main concern is apathy,” said Squeegeeman. “I feel like in our modern society there is so much surrounding us every day, so many things going on … Xavier and we as Superheroes are trying to break the mundane. People go through life not caring, because there is so much going on. They don’t have a chance to see what’s really going on from day to day.”
So the villain — their arch-nemesis, you might say — is apathy. Captain Obvious said, “There is a lot of time we are walking down the street and people don’t even look. They are that indifferent … so what we are trying to do is bring attention to things that need that kind of attention. Good charities, good worthwhile causes.”
As with fictional superheroes, at their core is belief. They believe in their cause and are dedicated to their mission. So if late one night, you’re wandering through the dark streets of New York City and you see two caped men brandishing their squeegees and megaphones, never fear — they are there for your protection.

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/Story?id=3278889&page=1

John Soltes
2007/04/24
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s people who call themselves real-life superheroes. They dress up, fight for justice and keep their identities secret.
It started out as a normal night. That is, until the bad guy started dancing like the devil in the pale moonlight.
Chris was minding his own business on the streets of Staten Island, N.Y., when he saw a man dash into a convenience store. The man sprinted through the aisles, trashing the place, then broke a glass bottle on the floor and brandished the shards as a makeshift knife.
Chris, coming to the rescue, cornered him in the aisle. While Chris kept the villain at bay, customers called the police.
That night, one of the most dangerous nights in his career, Chris truly earned the right to be called Chris Guardian.
Guardian, 23, who patrols the sidewalks and alleyways of New York City, is one of a small group of people around the world who call themselves real-life superheroes. Some do it for fun, as if Halloween were a yearlong celebration. But others, like Guardian, are dead serious about protecting life.
“I’ve always had something inside of me that made me want to really make a difference and just make the world a better place,” Guardian said recently during a discreet nighttime interview in a park in Manhattan’s Greenwich Village. “I always loved comic books and the idea of heroes out there. And I just said, ‘What the hell is stopping somebody from doing it?’”
When Guardian, a martial arts teacher who would not give his real name, first began patrolling New York at night, he was known as Dark Guardian. But recently he shed his old costume of a black mask with a painted-on smiley face and changed his name to Chris Guardian. He said the old costume was too weird for some people, while others didn’t pay attention.
“This is New York, so half the people didn’t even look,” said Guardian, who is having a new costume made up with the letters C.G. emblazoned on the front.
Guardian, like most superheroes, acts within the strictest sense of the law. “If I don’t have to put myself in danger, and the police can handle it, let the police handle it,” he said. “You know, I’m not going to do something stupid.”
Citizen Prime, a superhero based in Phoenix and a friend of Guardian, said there were many degrees of what a real-life superhero could do. A few stray into the vigilante role, taking the law into their own hands. But most, in the spirit of truth, justice and the American way, patrol the streets looking to help women and children.
“You don’t want to be standing on top of a building with your grappling hook ready to jump down on crack dealers,” Prime said. “That’s actually against the law.”
Prime, a 40-year-old married man whose first name is Jim, has been protecting the streets of Phoenix for a year. He became a superhero to spread the message that people don’t have to be fearful of crime. “Are you going to sit inside scared that a terrorist might attack your city, or are you going to go out and live your life?” he asked.
But Prime, who patrols once or twice a week in a black, blue and yellow costume, found one chink in his armor. He couldn’t find any crime. “The only crime I’ve ever stopped is when I was actually walking out of a sporting goods store with my wife,” he said. “A shoplifter came running past me, and I managed to throw him to the ground.”
With villains often hard to come by, superheroes fill up their time by dispensing charity as well as justice.
Many superheroes offer food to the homeless, deliver toys to sick children, rescue motorists with flat tires or spend time in their own fortresses of solitude visiting the many online superhero communities.
One such site is the World Superhero Registry, run by Phoenix-based superhero Kevlex, whose name is a combination of Kevlar and spandex.
His Web site supplies information on some of the world’s most famous superheroes: Angle Grinder Man in England, who helps free illegally parked cars from the bonds of immobilization; Terrifica, a female superhero who saves the drunk women of Brooklyn from unseemly masculine advances; and Polar Man, a Canadian superhero who, well, shovels driveways and sidewalks for the elderly.
Kevlex, 47, patrols only once or twice a week, and even less in the summer because the hot Arizona sun makes his costume uncomfortable. (Apparently, being a superhero is both a gift and a curse.)
Kevlex says that when he does go out, disguising his true identity is still necessary, even if he does nothing illegal. When he is in costume, bad guys “can’t tell which areas are protective gear and which areas their bullets would just slide right through,” he said.
Though, to be honest, Kevlex said he has never been in a situation with bullets. “The area that I’m in isn’t that dangerous,” he admitted.
Tothian, 22, a superhero who protects New Jersey and New York, is one of the more active heroes. He uses his skills as a Marine reservist and martial arts expert when patrolling the streets, and has escorted women home at night and broken up fights.
His uniform–he prefers that term to costume–is black combat boots, green cargo pants and a T-shirt. His logo, which is stitched into the middle of the T-shirt with cut-up bandanas, is made from the letters used to spell Tothian.
“That name chose me, I feel,” he said. “I am adding definition through the name, through my actions, my words and everything that I do.”
Tothian doesn’t wear a mask because it blocks his peripheral vision, and says he doesn’t wear a cape “because capes get in the way of actually doing real superhero stuff.”
Tothian says he doesn’t want to become a police officer because he doesn’t agree with every law on the book. “I’m not out to punish every single criminal,” he said. For example, he would counsel marijuana smokers, but wouldn’t apprehend them as bad guys.
Tothian said he gets some strange looks when people find out he’s a superhero. But after people realize he’s out to protect them, he says their trepidation eases somewhat.
“Heroes are real, so superheroes are just heroes who are really super at it,” he said. “The world is constantly crying out in need of superheroes, and I’m giving them one.”
E-mail: [email protected]
HOW SECRET ARE THOSE SUPERHERO IDENTITIES?
Real-life superheroes may be secretive about their identity, but they certainly welcome e-mail messages and visits to their MySpace pages. On the Web, many superheroes like Chris Guardian and Tothian show their real faces. Others, like Citizen Prime (myspace.com/paragonprime), wear elaborate masks.
Even so, meeting up with a superhero is challenging.
When setting up a rendezvous, they tend to prefer nighttime visits. You will be given a place to meet, like Washington Square Park in Greenwich Village, and told to call a cell phone number at precisely 10:30 p.m. No other details will be given. When you’re waiting for the clock to strike the half hour, you constantly check over your shoulder, knowing that the superhero has already been tracking your every move.
Once 10:30 rolls around, you call your hero, only to get a response like, “I’m walking up to you right now. I’m bald and wearing a leather jacket.”
Other superheroes avoid direct contact with the media. Squeegeeman and Captain Xavier Obvious work through their press person, Peter Magellan, who leaves messages on cell phones in an Australian accent that may or may not be authentic. When Squeegeeman himself leaves a message, the call is from a restricted number, and the superhero talks in a high-pitched voice that sounds, well, like a squeegee.
E-mails are no better. Squeegeeman’s messages are punctuated frequently by a squeegee adjective: “Have a squeegeerific day!!!”