crisis on infinite indys
so tonight is the first night in a new era here in indianapolis.
the dawn of the age of superheroes.
after realizing the total lack of justice in the world,my friends and i have decided to become superheroes in order to balance this fracturing planet of ours.
tonight,with my partner in crime fighting “Mr. Silent”,we went around the city helping people and stopping fights,drunk drivers,and a group of young dumb kids hitting an old woman’s car.
we met the mayor of the bums here named ronald whom i will refer to now as Mayor McCheese..he said we have the bums support and that they have some weapons to protect themselves.we’re going to make shirts with pics of our superhero group and hand them out to the city’s homeless..they will state something along the lines of “our heroes”
for the most part,people accepted us right away,and many saluted us as we would walk by.we got a lot of support from the fair people of this city,and that is the kind of positive reinforcement i needed to help me fight crime all night.
the sad thing is this,while trying to stop a fight between two drunken latinos,the police pulled up..they watched them fighting,and us trying to break it up,and after about 2 minutes,they just left.
no help or anything.we were in front of the greyhound station at the time and people said things like “the police here don’t do anything,do they?”..to which we replied “of course not!which is why this city is in such dire need of us!”..there the cops were,getting paid to fight crime,and they just drove by,but us poor superheroes get nothing,yet we’re the ones making a difference..you know,i really dont care though,i dont need money to do this…fighting crime is the cherry on top of my sundae of justice,and i’ll eat those cherries until i get sick.
and then i’ll eat some more.
…that’s just the type of crime fighter i am.
i think the idea of superheroes are so ingrained in the collective unconscious of america,that people just accept the idea that people are doing it..and once they see that we’re doing something they’ve always wanted to do,they will follow suit.
we’ve already amassed a rather formable team under the name
The Justice Society of Justice (now offering twice as much justice as the competitors!).
Our roster so far is: team leader Captain Glory,Mr. Silent,myself (as both The Human Robot,Mr. Geisha and very rarely i break out the german kung fu stylings of Doktor Deutschland),The Apostolic Avenger,Absurdo,The Plunisher,The Hamburger Helper,our jewish rapper friend Dr.Dreidel and his sidekick the Kosher Kid,plus help from our newest comrade,the gynecological justice of The Green Discharge!
..we have affiliate super heroes around the midwest like Cap’n Whiskey in chicago, and Liquid Courage (m.i.a. last seen picking on huge jocks in a bar,downtown louisville)
..separate from the JSJ,but still equally worthy of praise are the michigan based crime fighting family of Captain Jackson,The Queen of Hearts and Crime Fighter Girl.(yeah,i know her name sucks,but come on..she’s only 15)
slowly but surely we as superheroes will help bring this fallen nation of corruption to it’s full glorious potential!
you know what im saying is true!..stand up,fight for justice,put on a mask and cape,and get mad at bad!we have nothing to lose but our identities.we have a world to win!
while doing our rounds,various security guards all over town gave us thumbs up and many citizens waved and wished us well in our non stop fight against tyranny…well,maybe not “nonstop”,because i need to recoup for tomorrow night’s patrol.
so it’s time for bed.
everything i’ve told you is true.this is not satire.
god speed.
and remember
if you’re not sure if you’re super yet,
and you see a crime…….please report it.
leave crime fighting to the professionals.